Have you ever noticed that a pregnant woman's bump is like an invite for any and all advice we have ever heard or will hear? It doesn't matter if this is their first child or ninth you will hear a crapton of advice most of which you can't and don't want to use. It doesn't help if you look bored or uninterested you will still invariably hear what you don't want to hear.

I think I knew this before I got pregnant with DD but I don't think I knew the extent of it until I actually was the one sporting the bump. I do recall posting a rant at the time about people I didn't know wanting to touch my belly. I found this quote that sums up my feelings on that quite well: "Unless you are the one who put this baby in here or the one who will take it out, you are not allowed to touch my belly!" LoL Now personally I didn't mind if close friends and family wanted to touch my belly. It was just weird when some stranger in the mall thought it was okay. I mean really how is it that the fact that I'm growing a human gives you a right to touch me when you don't even know my name? Sometimes I just don't get people.

In the vein of platitudes and one ups I believe that pregnancy brings on more one ups than platitudes. It's kind of ridiculous really. If one woman has minimal morning sickness she is either one upped with someone who had EPIC morning sickness or someone who absolutely NO morning sickness. The point sometimes being taken away that your personal morning sickness will never match up to the story teller's own personal sickness or that of someone they know. 


Then of course there's the person who invariably always has to talk about the chances of miscarriage in the first trimester. They'll either berate you for telling people early or go into a long diatribe of people they know who have miscarried. You think I'm kidding but I've heard this, people tell me the most amazing things, it's like they think I'm immune or something. Here's a hint for the next time you decide to remind a woman in their first trimester about the chances of miscarriage...they know. No really they do, they are fully aware of the chances, in fact they are probably thinking about it more than you are, so maybe as an act of charity you should back off talking about it unless they mention it. In some cases they have already had a miscarriage and are, in fact, terrified of another one. Don't remind them, don't bring up percentages let THEM guide the topic. I'm not saying avoid anything unpleasant but for the love of sanity know your audience! If this is a woman who is terrified of pregnancy, totally unaware of what is about to happen and is looking for assurance then keep your mouth SHUT in regards to what could go wrong unless you know them well enough to know they need to hear it. (sorry navigating around the last bit of that sentence might be hard) She has a doctor or midwife, she knows okay she's looking to you to make her feel BETTER! When your mouth goes on auto pilot people can get hurt, trust me I know. :)

Again these are extreme stories with extreme reactions I'm fully aware that one can have a quite normal conversation with a pregnant woman. AND please don't walk on egg shells either, goodness this is a woman growing a human being, she's strong, she can take it. Never hurts to think before you speak though. Coming from a life long member of the speak first think later group, I have authority here...LOL

Okay so said pregnant friend has made it past the huge hurdles of morning sickness and threat of miscarriage. She is now in her second trimester, she's heard the heartbeat things are going well. Now come talk of how uncomfortable she's going to be. I hope to heck that whenever I get pregnant a second time people will hold back most of this advice. I find that first time moms are sometimes talked to like they're idiots. It's not intentional most of the time because you're right they have not had this experience before so this is new and should be exciting. So that means you should talk about your horrible uncomfortable experience like that is exactly what this woman is going to go through. You know because OB's and midwives haven't been saying for DECADES that every pregnancy is different. It is...it really really is...so while you had experiences A and B your friend could have experiences M and C. An example...I was kinda excited about the bump I was getting and frankly just getting used to the fact that this little basket ball was in my way. I joked about it to someone that I've already gotten DH to start tying my shoes. Response, oh that's too early just wait till the end, you don't know discomfort till then. You know what, you're probably right (she was) but I didn't need to hear that. I wasn't there yet, let me enjoy my 'oh my goodness I'm growing a person' moment as long as it lasts. I was pregnant for 9 months....only about 6 weeks at the beginning and end of that whole time was I extremely uncomfortable. Let me have my cute moments without trying to scare me about the end result...

Like when someone is in their last trimester and you start talking about every form of scary labor you've ever heard. **sigh** Serious bungle here. Sometimes these conversations don't start until you are in your last month with labor looming over your head. Every story or show you've ever seen comes flashing back every night as you wake up in cold sweats. If you are one who was blissfully unaware until the contractions started, you're lucky...lol It's at this point that every minor acquaintance to close family and friends will tell you every horror birth story they've ever heard. In fact I can think of one person who actually told me a promising birth story, my cousin. I longed for a birth like hers were, didn't get it, but I did enjoy those stories, made me feel much better about the impending birth of my child. Now some of you may relish in the horror stories, I for one didn't want to hear about it at that precise moment. Sure stories like that need to be told, these people who are going through it need to be prayed for, I'm all for that. Timing is what I'm talking about, if I've got an impending due date and I've never done this before, maybe hold off on the horror story till I have one of my own to tell. :)

Please don't be afraid of me now, I swear to you I'm not angry all the time really I'm not...and while I was pregnant I loved talking about it and I truly do love hearing someone else's birth stories. It's just, sometimes you know when it's just a story being told and when it's not. So birth stories...that might be another post altogether...lol This started off one way and is going another...I told you, rabbit trails, sometimes I just forge my own and blame it on the rabbits. :p

So I started thinking about blog posts the other day. I do like blogging, it's kinda fun, but I don't want to just write quotes that my daughter says or talk about sad things. I know I had a list of stuff I wanted to talk about but every time I try to talk about one of those topics I come up blank.

Then one night when I couldn't sleep I started to think about things people say, don't as me why I was trying to fall asleep my mind was drifting. Anyway, this got me thinking of things people shouldn't say when they feel like they have to say something. Did you follow that? If you did you're either my mother, my sister or my best friend...lol Here's some examples; things people will say when they find out your single and over 25. Or how about what people say when they find out your pregnant? Or when you have a newborn? Or when you miscarry? First married, especially if you are married after 25. I've heard a lot of platitudes when 'I'm sorry' would do, and a ton of one-upping. Then I thought I couldn't be the only one so I figured I'd write about my experience with these things. You know get the topic out in the open.

However I need to get something out there first. I am in no way meaning to insult or pick on anyone in particular. If you recognize that you've said something like this to me in the past please know I'm not holding any kind of ridiculous grudge. These posts are more meant to be taken satirically not as some sort of editorial on my friends or family. If you have supported me through anything I love you, I know where your heart was and I took what you said in that vein. I promise. Also I'll be writing my extreme reactions, because I've found people to be amused by these, I'm more looking to amuse...haha

I don't know if that was a disclaimer or a chance to show how long winded I can be, either way if you read it and thought 'get to the point already' I'd advice proceeding with caution. I can find a rabbit trail where no rabbit has gone before. ;)

So I'll start with the stuff I heard when people found out I was in my late twenties and *gasp* single. I'll lead up to things that relate to the title of my blog. Stuff I heard when I was pregnant, stuff I heard when I had a newborn, breastfeeding 'advice' and don't even get me started on some of the 'interesting' things I was told after my miscarriage. Downside to wearing your heart on your sleeve? There's more people who know about your life, therefore more people who think they have a say in it.

I did already write a blogpost about being single so I'll try to keep this short...key word, try.

As a married person I try not to do some of the stereotypical things designed to 'help' someone who is single. The idea being that the single person is sad, alone, desperate and obviously not at all content in their life. To that I cry bulls***. A single person can be content, happy and completely at peace while still having the desire to find a mate. Really, truly they can. I got sick of the idea that I was half a person looking to become whole. I was and am a whole and complete individual who is complimented by my husband, not completed by him. To further that there really are those who are perfectly happy to go through their lives single. Don't try to delve into their psyche to find that they are hiding this deep desire to get married and have kids. Sometimes they really and truly do not want this and you know what even if deep down they actually do, what they are saying to you is it's none of your damn business. If someone tells me they are happy being single I believe them, unless they are looking for some kind of advice for me then I'll take it at face value. Some people do not want to be analyzed, I know it's shocking, but it's also true.

Some platitudes I heard that I assume were designed to make me feel better about my utterly sad state of singleness were; you just have to find the right place to look. Or I had an aunt who was single till she was 50 then she found the perfect guy and they are blissfully happy. (Replace aunt with, friend, cousin or sister's roommates best friend's mom...everyone has a story about someone who got married well past the marrying age. Word of advice, no single person wants to hear about them. Seriously they don't, so if you feel the urge to tell them...stop.) Now sometimes a single person is actually looking for advice, they come to you wondering how you did it or if you have someone you with whom you can set them up. If this is the case fire away the advice and help them out. I'm not saying all single people don't want help and to put it ironically I hated being set up, but that's how I met my husband. Go figure. :p



I digress. I think the theme of pretty much any or all of these rants is going to be that we need to support each other through our struggles. Not hide under some platitude that you don't mean or feel like you have to say or try to make your life sound worse. No more platituding (I made up a word!) or one upping...try it sometimes, think before you say something to someone. Would you want it said to you? Really there are days when it's hard being single and there are days when it's very freeing. Support, do not judge people, I can't stress that enough...lol

**sidenote** Another bit of irony I'm suggesting think before you speak mostly because it's a daily struggle for me to do so. Sometimes I actually do this, most times I don't. What is the saying? You find annoying that which you do the most, or something like that. :)

Next up, pregnancy platitudes and one-ups...this one is fun :)

A common theme in conversation with my DD is for her to ask for something say a cookie. Then I say "Would you like a cookie?" and she says "Okay!" Like it was my idea and she's just going along with it...lol Now she is imparting what she wants onto everyone else, including the cat.

For example if the cat comes into her room and DD doesn't want her there she says "Miss Mao doesn't want to be in my room!" Which is funny because clearly the cat DOES want to be in the room it's just DD that doesn't want her there LOL

She also remembers EVERYTHING so for the love of sanity if you happen to introduce something new to her you need to tell me what it is, because she will talk about it days later and DH or I will stare at her desperate to figure out what she's saying. For example once when my mom was talking to her on the phone she was telling DD about some of the things they were going to bring for her this summer. Among those items is a red table and yellow chair. Now I knew about this so could comply with DD when she decided to tell me over and over about what she was getting then say 'but not yet!' Because I had told her she had to wait.

Follow me? So DH is hanging with her one evening and they are chatting. I'm in the kitchen and I can hear DD telling her daddy about the red table and yellow chair. He agrees that is very exciting but I can tell he has NO idea what she is talking about. Then she keeps telling him 'but not yet.' I had to fill him in because she was getting frustrated that he didn't know. lol It's very funny for us but it can get very frustrating for her because she really wants us to understand what she is saying. She just keeps leaving out the vital information, such as where she got the info or what it means. Haha

One is never done learning to speak toddler. :)

One year, I’d completely lost my bearings trying to follow potty training instruction from a psychiatric expert. I was stuck on step one, which stated without irony: ‘Before you begin, remove all stubbornness from the child’.
Mary Kay Blakely


Wow this quote just about killed me. If anyone can figure out how to remove stubbornness from a child you just let me know. Mine is determined to go on the potty on her and only her terms. I'm not the type to be militant about milestones so my DD is approaching 3 still in diapers. I'm sure there are some of you shaking your heads or even worse heading to the comment section to give me a metric crapload (natch) of advice on how to potty train 'right'.


I'll stop you right now. I don't want it. I appreciate the sentiment and I'm sure it worked for your Johnny poop pants or Janey pee pee. That's all fine and good. I applaud you that your child was not only out of diapers at 14 months but giving lectures on how to use the potty by 16 months. I get it, you are superior at potty training. Feel free to take my kid and try and get her to actually use the toilet. Go ahead I dare you. If you manage to train her then I am proven wrong and absolved of the torture of training. Win win I say ;)


The sarcastic diatribe is not meant to offend anyone who has shared their potty training experience with me or offered advice it's just my frustrating way of saying NOTHING WORKS! LoL Here's what she will do. She'll sit on the potty quite happily most times. In fact she'll sit there for as long as half an hour. Then promptly pee in her diaper the moment it's on. I tried a morning of putting her in panties. She'd pee a little bit on the floor then sit on the potty half an hour, rinse (literally) repeat. I got sick of it after the third or fourth time following her around the floor trying to tell her to stop so I could mop up the pee from the floor, her legs and her feet. I was done then and the diaper went back on. After her nap it was so full it's was beyond disgusting.


I know I just have to push through. Stop right there. I won't, there is nothing worth me running after my kid mopping up her excrement. Not gonna happen. I do it anyway in the diaper, how is this any different? I have no issue with cleaning up an accident after she's done the training, but there has got to be a better way to actually just get her to GO on the toilet. She's never let anything leave her body into that toilet. Not once. I'm convinced that the moment she does a light will go on and we can go from there. (In that instance I'm not so opposed to cleaning up after her because I know she can do it) The trick is getting her to actually go, I'm fairly certain she's terrified. And if I get intense at ALL it will shut down all functions in the lower half of her body. If she has to perform to make me happy, she just won't. (I know I know it's like she's MY kid or something, I can hear you laughing mom! Quit it! :)


So I'm talking about it. She HATES having her diaper changed so I'm trying to explain (without exasperation whenever I can) that if she actually used the potty I wouldn't have to change her. She seems to somewhat comprehend that but doesn't actually do the deed! I'm considering letting her spend a day outside in nothing to get her used to some feelings without anything to hold her back. Just gotta remember to lather on the sunscreen...I fear she'll just tighten up and release the moment she has a diaper or underwear on. 


What is she so afraid of and how can I cure her of that? Scratch that don't answer, I don't want to know. Hmm I wonder where she gets her stubbornness from? ;)

This is my own opinion of course. I most certainly know that most music is an acquired taste. My taste is actually fairly varied. I enjoy music from a variety of different bands. However, one of my favorite bands of all time is U2 and this past Sunday I got to see them in concert for the second time in my life. The first time was 14, yes 14, years ago. They are just as amazing, if not better, now then they were then. Honestly some people are just showmen and these 4 Irishmen definitely know how to put on a mind bogglingly amazing show!

My lovely friend made a ticket available to me a few weeks ago. I whole heartedly agreed to go without thinking twice. This is U2, they pretty much always sell out, when a ticket is offered you take it! :) Since the concert was in May it was my mother's day present. An evening out with my friends watching a kick butt concert! :)

What do I love about them? Everything. LOL I was 10 when The Joshua Tree came out so I've grown up with this band. At least from that album I'm fully aware they put stuff out before this, I am a pop culture dictionary after all. LoL One of my all time favorite songs is 'Where The Streets Have No Name'. The guitar at the beginning of that song always gets my heart racing. It's a song that MUST be heard at a very loud decibel and thankfully I grew up in a house where my parents were fully aware of this. In fact the first three songs on The Joshua Tree are played in succession at top volume in the Wiebe house. It's really the only way to hear them. :)

Even though I heard The Joshua Tree when I was younger the first U2 album that I actually owned myself was Achtung Baby and I think it's still my fave album as a whole. (Although running a close second at a tie is All That You Can't Leave Behind and How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb) It came out when I was in high school so I still remember hearing songs like 'One' and 'Mysterious Ways' at school dances. LoL Mysterious Ways is another song that needs to be played loudly. Oh let's be honest pretty much all of their stuff needs to be at top volume. Which is another good reason why you need to see these men in concert it's at the perfect volume. If you live in Winnipeg you probably heard them even if you weren't at the concert...haha

This really isn't a review or anything just being doing a love in on U2 because they are probably my favorite band. Going to their concert just gave me an excuse to rave about them. The first time I saw them the song that stuck out was The Edge singing Sunday Bloody Sunday acoustically. I don't think I'll ever forget that. This past one I don't know which song stuck out the most, I jumped up so many times I lost count. There was Mysterious Ways of course, Elevation, Vertigo, I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight, One, Where The Streets Have No Name and of course the ending With or Without You. I also loved that they opened with Even Better Than The Real Thing and I love Until the End of The World wow don't forget Beautiful Day either...so umm yeah the whole thing. LOL Do you like how I keep linking videos to the songs? No? Too bad, gives me an excuse to find and listen to them...haha I even went so far as to link music videos AND live performances...I'm not crazy ;)

Now that I've seen them in concert twice I could die happy. Of course to make me euphoric would be to go see them with my dad. I gotta tell you we'd be singing so loud it'd be pretty comical. Even with how loud the concert was during most of the songs I could hear him singing along. I think that's one of the reasons he always had the music so loud...then he can sing it at top volume. :) Well that and my mom kind of insists on playing every song she likes very loudly. I grew up in a house where the kids more than the adults would say 'can you turn that down I can't hear myself think.' Rough life I know.

Okay I'm done linking to youtube now. I'll go back to blogging about being mom, next post up. Potty training and how much I hate it, not to mention Arielle! LOL