Have you ever noticed that a pregnant woman's bump is like an invite for any and all advice we have ever heard or will hear? It doesn't matter if this is their first child or ninth you will hear a crapton of advice most of which you can't and don't want to use. It doesn't help if you look bored or uninterested you will still invariably hear what you don't want to hear.

I think I knew this before I got pregnant with DD but I don't think I knew the extent of it until I actually was the one sporting the bump. I do recall posting a rant at the time about people I didn't know wanting to touch my belly. I found this quote that sums up my feelings on that quite well: "Unless you are the one who put this baby in here or the one who will take it out, you are not allowed to touch my belly!" LoL Now personally I didn't mind if close friends and family wanted to touch my belly. It was just weird when some stranger in the mall thought it was okay. I mean really how is it that the fact that I'm growing a human gives you a right to touch me when you don't even know my name? Sometimes I just don't get people.

In the vein of platitudes and one ups I believe that pregnancy brings on more one ups than platitudes. It's kind of ridiculous really. If one woman has minimal morning sickness she is either one upped with someone who had EPIC morning sickness or someone who absolutely NO morning sickness. The point sometimes being taken away that your personal morning sickness will never match up to the story teller's own personal sickness or that of someone they know. 


Then of course there's the person who invariably always has to talk about the chances of miscarriage in the first trimester. They'll either berate you for telling people early or go into a long diatribe of people they know who have miscarried. You think I'm kidding but I've heard this, people tell me the most amazing things, it's like they think I'm immune or something. Here's a hint for the next time you decide to remind a woman in their first trimester about the chances of miscarriage...they know. No really they do, they are fully aware of the chances, in fact they are probably thinking about it more than you are, so maybe as an act of charity you should back off talking about it unless they mention it. In some cases they have already had a miscarriage and are, in fact, terrified of another one. Don't remind them, don't bring up percentages let THEM guide the topic. I'm not saying avoid anything unpleasant but for the love of sanity know your audience! If this is a woman who is terrified of pregnancy, totally unaware of what is about to happen and is looking for assurance then keep your mouth SHUT in regards to what could go wrong unless you know them well enough to know they need to hear it. (sorry navigating around the last bit of that sentence might be hard) She has a doctor or midwife, she knows okay she's looking to you to make her feel BETTER! When your mouth goes on auto pilot people can get hurt, trust me I know. :)

Again these are extreme stories with extreme reactions I'm fully aware that one can have a quite normal conversation with a pregnant woman. AND please don't walk on egg shells either, goodness this is a woman growing a human being, she's strong, she can take it. Never hurts to think before you speak though. Coming from a life long member of the speak first think later group, I have authority here...LOL

Okay so said pregnant friend has made it past the huge hurdles of morning sickness and threat of miscarriage. She is now in her second trimester, she's heard the heartbeat things are going well. Now come talk of how uncomfortable she's going to be. I hope to heck that whenever I get pregnant a second time people will hold back most of this advice. I find that first time moms are sometimes talked to like they're idiots. It's not intentional most of the time because you're right they have not had this experience before so this is new and should be exciting. So that means you should talk about your horrible uncomfortable experience like that is exactly what this woman is going to go through. You know because OB's and midwives haven't been saying for DECADES that every pregnancy is different. It is...it really really is...so while you had experiences A and B your friend could have experiences M and C. An example...I was kinda excited about the bump I was getting and frankly just getting used to the fact that this little basket ball was in my way. I joked about it to someone that I've already gotten DH to start tying my shoes. Response, oh that's too early just wait till the end, you don't know discomfort till then. You know what, you're probably right (she was) but I didn't need to hear that. I wasn't there yet, let me enjoy my 'oh my goodness I'm growing a person' moment as long as it lasts. I was pregnant for 9 months....only about 6 weeks at the beginning and end of that whole time was I extremely uncomfortable. Let me have my cute moments without trying to scare me about the end result...

Like when someone is in their last trimester and you start talking about every form of scary labor you've ever heard. **sigh** Serious bungle here. Sometimes these conversations don't start until you are in your last month with labor looming over your head. Every story or show you've ever seen comes flashing back every night as you wake up in cold sweats. If you are one who was blissfully unaware until the contractions started, you're lucky...lol It's at this point that every minor acquaintance to close family and friends will tell you every horror birth story they've ever heard. In fact I can think of one person who actually told me a promising birth story, my cousin. I longed for a birth like hers were, didn't get it, but I did enjoy those stories, made me feel much better about the impending birth of my child. Now some of you may relish in the horror stories, I for one didn't want to hear about it at that precise moment. Sure stories like that need to be told, these people who are going through it need to be prayed for, I'm all for that. Timing is what I'm talking about, if I've got an impending due date and I've never done this before, maybe hold off on the horror story till I have one of my own to tell. :)

Please don't be afraid of me now, I swear to you I'm not angry all the time really I'm not...and while I was pregnant I loved talking about it and I truly do love hearing someone else's birth stories. It's just, sometimes you know when it's just a story being told and when it's not. So birth stories...that might be another post altogether...lol This started off one way and is going another...I told you, rabbit trails, sometimes I just forge my own and blame it on the rabbits. :p