When I close my eyes sometimes I can feel a wave of peace just as my eye lids flutter closed. The wave caresses my skin in a way that stills my anxious thought. But just as a wave it crashes and blends itself into the chaos around me followed by another wave of the ever familiar anguish.

It's funny how those random waves calm me. How that little bit of peace puts my soul to rest in a way that helps me get through the day...even if it's just barely.

I'm reminded of the song 'Cry out to Jesus' by Third Day and wanted to share my favorite part.

There is hope for helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus

Jesus amazes me he really does. Foundationaly because he came to the earth for us, he died for us and rose again for us. He did all this and at those moment when I am in need he gives me that soft rush of peace, not too much, not to little just enough to calm my raging mind.

I am asked regularly how I can live through what I'm living through. Some are astounded at the strength they witness others probably think I'm hiding what's really going on. The latter makes me smile. I'm my father's daughter I can't hide what's really going on, it's not in my genetic make up to do so. For me to hide my feelings is for me to hide who I am and I was always raised to embrace who I am. Therefore, I share what I'm going through for the days when the peace just isn't enough and the anguish feels so overwhelming I'm afraid I'll drown. On those days I can seek out someone who knows about my situation and find comfort, prayer and support.

It's in those moments when I realize again how Jesus amazes me. His timing is perfect and he is the grand scheme master (is it just me or does that sound like a twisted name for a rapper?:) He is beginning and end, alpha and omega he knows past and future and choses to live in the present. He came down to earth to bridge the gap between God and man and in so doing understands God's image intimately. He knows what I'm going through because he went through it too.

He gets it, he really does and it's that thought sometimes that litterally keeps me sane.

That and the idea that because I've chosen to remain deeply rooted in my Saviour I am pissing off the enemy something awful. I like pissing him off. It tickles me a bit. ;)

So how do I manage to live through this? I don't know I take each wave as it comes and trust implicitly that my Lord knows what He's doing even when I don't.