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Okay so planning a wedding is fun right? Because right now I feel like someone being pulled in 80 different directions and I only have the two arms.
Is it bad that I just want my marriage to start? I don't want to cater to aunt so and so who would prefer that I blah blah...or such and such who can't afford blee. I just want to marry the man and start my life with him. Of course I want to wear the dress. I want the pictures and I want to be able to celebrate with family and friends, but honestly I also want to enjoy it and at the rate I'm going enjoyment left this process a long time ago.
Now I'm everyone's bitch and I just have to show up to justify THEIR party. Stupid. How naive am I? I thought this day was about Jonathan and I...I know I'm delusional what a silly girl I just have to pay for the festities and feel privleged that so many people 'care' about me. If they cared so much than why does it feel like it's more about them?
In other news I just want Christmas to start but I'm dreading it at the same time. It should be time off for me but I keep getting this impression of impending doom or added stress. It would really REALLY be nice if I could have a breather, a place where I could inhale and exhale without taking in all the crap around me.
Stop thinking in big picture format Sheri...one step at a time.
One. Step. At. A. &*%(ing. Time.
*sigh*
I swear to the ever present Lord that I WILL write a positive update one of these days...I will find something positive in life. Oh it'll be there.
Is it bad that I just want my marriage to start? I don't want to cater to aunt so and so who would prefer that I blah blah...or such and such who can't afford blee. I just want to marry the man and start my life with him. Of course I want to wear the dress. I want the pictures and I want to be able to celebrate with family and friends, but honestly I also want to enjoy it and at the rate I'm going enjoyment left this process a long time ago.
Now I'm everyone's bitch and I just have to show up to justify THEIR party. Stupid. How naive am I? I thought this day was about Jonathan and I...I know I'm delusional what a silly girl I just have to pay for the festities and feel privleged that so many people 'care' about me. If they cared so much than why does it feel like it's more about them?
In other news I just want Christmas to start but I'm dreading it at the same time. It should be time off for me but I keep getting this impression of impending doom or added stress. It would really REALLY be nice if I could have a breather, a place where I could inhale and exhale without taking in all the crap around me.
Stop thinking in big picture format Sheri...one step at a time.
One. Step. At. A. &*%(ing. Time.
*sigh*
I swear to the ever present Lord that I WILL write a positive update one of these days...I will find something positive in life. Oh it'll be there.
Okay, do it with me now, *big deep breath in* inhaaaaalllleee *big deep breath out* exhhhaaallle.
Everything is going to be all right.
One thing at a time.
Buck up, bucko!
LOL
I gave you all my advice today so I won't repeat it here. I'll just remind you of what I think is the most important part:
Make time for you and your man. Just you time. Don't share it with anyone. Don't share it with any stressful thoughts or conflicts. Just be. Like I said earlier, if that means you lie in an empty bathtub for a half hour every night, then so be it. :)
I believe in you!